Archive | January, 2012

Six Inch Heels

24 Jan

Often times I hear guys marvel and even complain about women putting comfort aside,in d vain to be sexy. To that i will have to agree, comfort should come first,oh what i (or maybe we)would give to pour water over our heads whenever, throw on pants, tee shirt and go, not have to do powdering, make up and still be hot, go dancing in flats……be basic,yeah we would luv dat.

We however aren’t guys,and well dat means we were engineered differently,to embrace our silly painstaking routine,be complex and somewhat petty.All these things put together make us who we are, a scheming compassionate lot, that you cannot do without because when you really think bout it ,these little things means we have a longer attention span and would care about all the things you take for granted, make a big fuss over a situation, bring life and sanity to your careless unfeeling mess.

This isnt ‘battle of d sexes’ as i can bet some smart person is about to jump on this piece and launch into some power argument as to why dudes are better bla bla bla…well, i love that guys are guys,in fact i do envy a lot about being a dude,ah the freedom,the ability to..nah I won’t go into how awesome being a guy can be. In fact that is a myth jor,guys are just guys. (he he, hating female they will say).

In times past and even now we continue to take hits for all the seeming frivolities we care about. jewelry, clothing, hair (ah the issues Brazilian hair don cause),everything. Tagged as either fake or trying too hard,the justification of these argument by guys often being that natural beauty outshines any glitz or glamour of the modern woman. To which i would like to ask the question; what is the exact measure of natural beauty? remaining just as you were born with no alteration of any sort? or good grooming with the exception of make-up? Aha…

In all honesty it would be good to wake up looking like a Grecian goddess,and be able to prance about without a care yet catching the eyes of on-lookers. I fear I may have deviated from the issue at hand,but can one speak of the women folk without delving into a lot of things?

"yessss,I knew I would stand for hours today but i just had to wear these..."


I guess this is the deal; this is who we are,needless as some things may seem, as incomprehensible and annoyingly tasking not to mention ridiculously expensive,we would continue to pursue them. I for one love the things that make me woman and even though my heels hurt atimes,i bear it because i feel higher(not taller) with them and get a release only the vain woman mind can comprehend………by the way i dont own any six inch shoes.


The Bigger Person

24 Jan

This isn’t the note I set out to write, up till the moment I opened my blog this morning I had something very different in mind. However a rather unfortunate happening(for lack of a better term) has pushed me in this direction.

I have often been labeled as rude, well not in the “talk to people anyhow” kind of manner. Somehow I get angry and everything goes downhill from there, I can’t be stopped, can’t be reasoned with and sadly everything in me powers me up at that moment. I somehow tell myself I’m a no nonsense person and I’m just being brutally honest (self serving lies).I need not add that this means I’m often at logger heads with friends and family members alike. One would instinctively think me difficult and annoying, in my defense,I do have my moments, for the most part I can be quite courteous.

The problem however is not so much how to control myself and not be evil, even though that is quite important, I believe more pertinent is being able to say sorry. Ah those five words…. I remember a song “sorry seems to be the hardest word” by errr Elton john I think. Well, I do know the song bothers on relationship and how fixing things can be such an enormous task, however the phrase holds true in a lot of situations.

Now for many who do not suffer being tongue tied or terribly confused on how to go about not just admitting you are wrong but saying sorry, you have a rare gift. Yes that’s what it is, “be the bigger person” they would say, to which my heart agrees but my head keeps saying “what’s bigger about going back to that nitwit and saying you are wrong” worse what happens if he/she throws it in your face? And how the hell do you plan to deal with the ego they would have post your apology?

*Sigh*… When you think about it, it’s probably best to leave things as they are right? Maybe a friend’s anger would pass, maybe they would somehow wake up feeling they did you wrong and apologize instead, maybe with time you would just show up and pretend nothing happened. All these works but I guess the problem here is you do not control anything, you sit waiting, wondering, wasting time, sometimes hurting and more significantly pushing people away.

I have seen the power of apologizing; it changes a lot, saves a lot of trouble and is in fact very reassuring for the wronged party. However it’s never easy, especially not for the likes of me. Arrgggh, I would actually sign up for a programme that puts me in robot mode when I wrong people and allows me apologize in a dream state, look at that……………

I forgive you for making me yell at you.

Just before I started typing I said horrible things to a friend, in all honesty her actions were very infuriating but my words I’m sure were worse. Every moment I sit typing is another delayed in doing the right thing. It is so damn hard I won’t lie; here I am at 442 word count yet I have issues blurting out 5 simple words…..isn’t that ironic?

So here goes….sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry (this is me still delaying the actual apology). I actually did think switching into insightful writing mode would make it easier but it’s not working. She’s even made it harder by leaving the room; now I have to do the walk of shame, why lord? Whyyyy???. I will do it but I have to say; being the bigger person even though right, would never be my thing!


21 Jan

"hey, focus on how much of a ladies man i am"

This piece was inspired by a very good bad friend of mine, who took a rather special interest in the 14 pound Lhasa that stays in my house. My conversation with him, made me realize how special Bailey is, thank you Kenny.

Bailey is a male Lhasa Apso, with white and cream hair covering on its rather tiny frame. About 9months old, it was taken away from its mum who resides outside the country. The events leading to Bailey’s residing with my family entails its owner’s move from his previous apartment. Seeing as we own a Mighty ass Caucasian (Raven), we are no strangers to dog rearing. What ought to have been a two day visit by Bailey turned to weeks, then months, and as it is I fear we may face custody issues in the near future.(LoL)

Like other Lhasas Bailey is a hardy dog with a friendly assertive manner. Eats small meals, hates to bathe, and is quite healthy. One would assume its small size makes it delicate or incapacitated but it’s however very active and fast. Intelligent, free spirited and devoted are amongst its other characteristics.

For me a preferable title for this post would have been “all creatures great and small’ this is because only awesome creation could have led to the beauty that’s bailey; In its early days at the house bailey was like every other dog, a little playful, cunning sometimes and moody the others, with time it however took on very unique characteristics….

First its warmness; Bailey found and held on to its favorite family members, all in varying degrees of likeness. I am its current favorite, hence you are sure to often see us together (yes, I remember my Paris Hilton/tinker bell bashing days). The interesting thing is its routine of welcoming us home, its gets so excited almost like it’s going to bust, tail wagging, jumping and biting, up until you acknowledge by picking it up. Now we assumed this will fizzle out with time but it’s been months and I sometimes have to dodge to avoid the drama.

As a painfully stubborn dog, certain moments with bailey can be quite hellish, however I have found it responds to one’s moods, like after several failed attempts at getting you to scream your head off, it wanders off in search of something or someone more exciting. This may not be a big deal, but add the fact that it knows and respect the concept of “lights out”, yes, if bailey is giving you hell, put out the light and off it goes to its corner.

Now waking up, is yet another routine in its own, depending on where it passes the night ,it’s usually up waiting to say good morning, yeah another round of annoying hugs and face licking. This is followed by what I will refer to as jobless survey of the house, I don’t know why it does this but it would go peering through the windows, well there is a lot going on out there, a dog needs to be in the know.

Of course this post would not be complete without introducing Raven, the crazy 140 pound Caucasian who isn’t to be fucked with but who Bailey continues to antagonize for fun. Seeing the difference in their sizes it’s always fun to watch as bailey uses the fact that Raven is chained to his advantage, taunting by stepping close and scratching its face then running for cover beneath the car. The thing is this is hardly ever fun and jokes for Raven who still has a hard time coming to terms with the little brat who has stolen the heart of everyone.

Perhaps many dog owners with dogs who have mastered quite a number of house routines and continue to be outstanding won’t be that impressed, but I will forever be in awe of Bailey as it without formal training of any sort continues to learn the oddest stuff and put them to the best use. From knowledge of the door bell and its use, to its instant uneasiness and continuous running back and forth until you have been alerted and make to answer the door. There is its rather funny gait standing on its hind legs by the water dispenser when thirsty. Also, its mastery of names and voices.

Yes, Bailey isn’t without flaws (not that you were thinking that). In fact sometimes I just want to strangle the little brat. Its idea of getting jiggy is biting in very sensitive spots. It continues to compare itself with humans and therefore insists on having its meals in the living room (by moving it there from whatever original location). It snores and burps, annoying thing. Oh then it ignores you at moments when it assumes you really don’t have anything relevant to say, which usually is a right assumption.

Truly Bailey is amazing but the most awesome thing about bailey is its relationship with humans. With so much energy to fool around you would think it makes friends speedily, this is in fact not the case. It selects its friends, and believes it’s a No-No for all guys at first, big no for odd looking ladies (odd to bailey is mighty features). For we that are family it’s amazing how it stays excited spending time with us. I saw the movie “Hachiko” about a year ago, a true story about a dog who awaited the return of his owner for ten years at the train station, where they used to meet before he died of a heart attack, amazing story. Bailey may not be capable of this, but words can’t describe the feeling I get everyday once I get home and it’s waiting, wagging its tail, jumping, happy to see me.

Green Eyed Monster

15 Jan

I like to think I am a pleasant well wisher..I mean,I’m happy when something good happens to my friends,family,hell even to neighbors and colleagues.I smile,say congrats,laugh about the journey to the big event and once in a very rare while take them out to celebrate.

However,i ve had my own fair share of moments when all i really wanted to do after hearing someone’s good news was look up to the heavens and scream whyyyyyyyy?????. At such moments i grit my teeth behind my smile,bet it kinda shows in my almost teary eyes,but of course they are usually too happy to notice.

As if its not enough they go ahead to either ask for my help or advice,of course i help,not without cursing under my breath though. Grudgingly dragging through whatever task i’m assigned all the while envisioning myself strangling them every time they burst into excited giggles going “omg i can’t believe this is happening to me”.

Well, well, well,i get over my jealousy(is it even jealousy?), accept things after a short while(er..does weeks count as short?).

The thing is, this only happens when i think I’m more deserving of what someone else has got,you know… I’m smarter,nicer,kinder,kiss more ass and stuff,only for this person to just get the prize.

Question now is, how do u honestly say who deserves what? because sometimes I’m a total b**** and still I get it good,aint nobody telling me i don’t deserve it then.

Anyways i guess its healthy to sometimes feel a tiny measure of displeasure when someone else wins. Not feeling this way would mean i do not think well of myself. We all know how having a low self esteem sucks.

So feel free to share your good news with me,and if am not ecstatic, know its because I’m dying to take your place,and that my friend is the truest form of admiration.

My friend,My foe….

11 Jan

The clock ticks; minutes, hours, days, weeks………maybe years

Nothing is different; the vendor came around today, the dog is still a pain in the ass, mum won’t stop with the unsolicited advice, jokes at the office, TV won’t show my favorite shows at the right time………

Everything is as it should be……… but; Michael Buble’s “You are nobody till somebody loves you” is playing, I can’t call and go on about how it’s such a wonderful song. Earlier I was losing an argument and even though I goggled to check my facts it wasn’t enough, I needed your validation. The guy from the bar made a joke about us last night, to which I responded with an awful smirk. I can tell the movies at the cinema are crap but my people won’t believe me, you would. The park has lost its serenity (it wasn’t invaded by a mob), the water looks dirty, the pathways are way too small, and well I guess it’s always been this way but I never stopped to notice. You were always here, such distraction.

Tomorrow I will go to work, laugh with friends, be silly, and maybe go shopping. I’m going to put my work out there like u always advised. I also will stop saying “am” instead of “I’m”. I have big plans for the coming year (don’t I always say that?) well u aren’t here I got to stop being lazy.

I do not spend a lot of time trying guess what’s going on with you, I know u still don’t  sleep much, you have probably tried to write but then it was cold, as cold as my absence. Bet you aced your exams and now devote your time to making the best of your tech skills.  

I do not miss you, I miss me…..I miss how I light up when u come around, how it was hard to lie to you, how the most ridiculous things became fun because you were involved. I do not think about you, I think about what could be, if am being an idiot going on without you. I do not wish things were different, I wish I could forget, I wish it could suddenly be alright…….

I can’t replace you ,I won’t try, you probably were meant to spend some of your lifetime with me, and even after everything ,no one is funnier ,smarter, no one gets it like you do……..then again no one drives a dagger right where it hurts like you do; my friend, my foe, my lapse in judgment….. I LOVE YOU                                                                                                                                                                                                              Image


11 Jan

They sit backing each other, the room poorly lit, night as cold as death itself, and the deafening silence…….the clock ticks ever so slowly, yet bringing them to dawn; the supposed hour when it will finally be over and this misery would end, or would it?

“Perhaps I should tell him I’m sorry” she thought; “but for what? For living as I did in the past? Why God why”…..
“I should look past this; she is the best thing that’s happened to me, but then again what kind of woman lies with Bobby? BOBBY??? He threats them with so much disdain, how can I ever look at her the same”

Camille, he calls softly “we can’t miss the bus”, “oh, and if we do?” she giggles as he picks her up out of the house where friends awaited. It was a trip they had planned all summer. Holding hands all through the drive there amidst whispers and kisses. Everything went according to plan; it had to be the most magical trip of their lives. Finding love like this can only be a gift of the gods.

Like all good things though, it had to come to an end. Camille was no saint; the past wasn’t very good in picking it’s time to visit. Bobby and his relations with Camille in the back of his SUV was proof of this. It would have been much easier, but Bobby is Teni’s half brother with a notorious reputation for bagging ladies after a few minutes of cheap flattery. Of course it didn’t matter to Teni that this was over a year ago when Camille knew nothing of his existence and was living wild and free….

“Why oh why does he often stare into space like a moron”, Stella wonders. “Anyways it’s the twins’ 26th; we have to make it as remarkable as ever, besides Mikhail brings home his fiancé and her parents for the first time, this should be fun”.
“Ah, festivity, what a drag” Teni exclaims “but I have to do this for these kids”…

Teni observes the party thinking; “Such a wonderful turn out, everything is in place, wasn’t such a bad idea having a huge party “. “Yes there comes Mikhail with a delectable young lady and an older one in tow, something about her eyes”….
“Dad! Dad!” He screams, “This is her mum Mrs. Camille, funny right? Same name as my sister”.

Suddenly nothing else mattered; he just wanted to tell her he loved her, that a day didn’t pass without him missing her terribly, that his wife didn’t get his jokes, or enjoy the water like she did, that he spent years trying to replace her but couldn’t, that he made a huge mistake letting her go…………He looked at her from where he stood sharing a drink with her husband who says to him “I wouldn’t trade that woman for anything in the world”.

All these as she strokes her hair, exposing the rugby earrings he gave her thirty two years ago……..

Mental slavery

10 Jan

Stories of slavery and discrimination have been told again and again,yet I can tell that it was probably worse when it happened. I cannot begin to imagine what it must have been like in those times; the pain, the humiliation, the bruised ego of an entire race. Nothing could be worse.

Thankfully,we or should I say they (seeing as I am not African American),survived it and have become such a force to reckon with; CEO s, Media executives, Artistes, Business men…name it, the BLACK race has come a long way and continues to push boundaries to be more,and I’ve got to say it’s awesome. But like every wound,this one left it’s scar,oh well scars come in handy sometimes, as a reminder of your struggle, thus propelling you even further. Somehow though I have to ask,are their wounds really healed?

Personally I am proud of every achievement of the BLACK man, as they often say SUCCESS is the best Revenge, but isn’t there something wrong when for every big hit you go back to where it all began to say “look at me now”. Oh I have nothing against telling success stories, what I don’t get is why certain groups think its so important to scream it in the WHITE man’s face “we made it”. In case you are wondering where this came from, it is everywhere ,for every achievement they make you are sure to hear a speech that goes “I feel so proud,as a person of colour bla bla bla..” , On BET,Ebony magazines (I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if white folks got WET)???????

Its becoming tiring,all this talk about coming together…to do what? For who? Now it just seems like they are seeking their approval,their acceptance that they have evolved, NEWS FLASH: It won’t happen. As humans we have been engineered to cling to our own ,so no white man will ever show up saying “You guys are our equals”, and should it even matter what they think? The idea behind rising above is not even being able to see the opposition.

Black people (some) however,continue to look back,trying to prove a point. I’m so certain some white folks just roll their eyes n go “here we go again” at the sound of those speeches.I don’t deny that there’s still racism but it’s now a personal thing,and with so much enlightenment one can only be as limited as you let yourself be, no longer by someone’s definition of who you are.

I say it’s done, they are here,if nothing else OBAMA has proved it,they should stop being so thankful for every thing they get like its a privilege,celebrate your race because you are Strong and Beautiful,not because you want send a message, because they get it, oh they did that a long time ago