The Bigger Person

24 Jan

This isn’t the note I set out to write, up till the moment I opened my blog this morning I had something very different in mind. However a rather unfortunate happening(for lack of a better term) has pushed me in this direction.

I have often been labeled as rude, well not in the “talk to people anyhow” kind of manner. Somehow I get angry and everything goes downhill from there, I can’t be stopped, can’t be reasoned with and sadly everything in me powers me up at that moment. I somehow tell myself I’m a no nonsense person and I’m just being brutally honest (self serving lies).I need not add that this means I’m often at logger heads with friends and family members alike. One would instinctively think me difficult and annoying, in my defense,I do have my moments, for the most part I can be quite courteous.

The problem however is not so much how to control myself and not be evil, even though that is quite important, I believe more pertinent is being able to say sorry. Ah those five words…. I remember a song “sorry seems to be the hardest word” by errr Elton john I think. Well, I do know the song bothers on relationship and how fixing things can be such an enormous task, however the phrase holds true in a lot of situations.

Now for many who do not suffer being tongue tied or terribly confused on how to go about not just admitting you are wrong but saying sorry, you have a rare gift. Yes that’s what it is, “be the bigger person” they would say, to which my heart agrees but my head keeps saying “what’s bigger about going back to that nitwit and saying you are wrong” worse what happens if he/she throws it in your face? And how the hell do you plan to deal with the ego they would have post your apology?

*Sigh*… When you think about it, it’s probably best to leave things as they are right? Maybe a friend’s anger would pass, maybe they would somehow wake up feeling they did you wrong and apologize instead, maybe with time you would just show up and pretend nothing happened. All these works but I guess the problem here is you do not control anything, you sit waiting, wondering, wasting time, sometimes hurting and more significantly pushing people away.

I have seen the power of apologizing; it changes a lot, saves a lot of trouble and is in fact very reassuring for the wronged party. However it’s never easy, especially not for the likes of me. Arrgggh, I would actually sign up for a programme that puts me in robot mode when I wrong people and allows me apologize in a dream state, look at that……………

I forgive you for making me yell at you.

Just before I started typing I said horrible things to a friend, in all honesty her actions were very infuriating but my words I’m sure were worse. Every moment I sit typing is another delayed in doing the right thing. It is so damn hard I won’t lie; here I am at 442 word count yet I have issues blurting out 5 simple words…..isn’t that ironic?

So here goes….sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry (this is me still delaying the actual apology). I actually did think switching into insightful writing mode would make it easier but it’s not working. She’s even made it harder by leaving the room; now I have to do the walk of shame, why lord? Whyyyy???. I will do it but I have to say; being the bigger person even though right, would never be my thing!


2 Responses to “The Bigger Person”

  1. ebuoe February 2, 2012 at 3:13 pm #

    For me apologizn is nt an issue .. Wen it cums 2 forgivenes(afta u deliberately hurt me) ,dts wen I hv issues wit “being the bigger person” ..,nt lyk wen sum1 hurts me,I begrudge dt person..nope.. REVENGE..shikena..2 bad I’m very mch “pro eye 4 eye ” .. Dt said I myt nid 2 subscribe 4 dt robot mode shit u tlkd abt .. MayB dt wuld help .. Nyc post

  2. tolzzzz February 3, 2012 at 7:35 am #

    Revenge shikena? Hahahahaha, u re a very tiny person.Thanks

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