Ekweminatti

16 Apr

Two things you would most likely take away from this post: Ebuka and i are a bunch of pitiable hating losers or the truth…

I should start with the genesis of the brouhaha we are about to unleash: well i was having a normal day which often involves people dismissing me, and acting like i am not the genius i am,one look at my frail blog and i was going to cry”all these writing and no one to read”so i buzzed Ebuka who is somewhere lower on the food chain and he starts mumbling something about not getting followed on twitter by TONTO DIKEH even after all his efforts(Ebuka: because vic O followed you back after famzing him for 1 week ,we won’t  “hear word” abi  ) …..anyways,we land on Ekwem’s blog and somehow started digging…….

FIVE THINGS YOU HAVE IGNORED ABOUT EKWE…….

TOLU:………..  Ekwe is definately a bright kid with tons and tons of talents,but arent they all? we all know no one would invest in a total nitwit. If somehow you have followed his work ( stares at cans of redbull and satchet of  Panadol extra) you would notice the ever changing  tone,lets travel a little back in time (steps into imaginary time machine -“The Ekwpress”). As far as i can see early posts from Ekwe  like “Judgement” “The journey” “Random” “Flagship parts” “Appeal to reason” even though intelligently written with loads of promises for evil in the future were pretty normal,you could tell dude started by writing cute stories about all  the girls he would never have, stolen lunch money,that scary science teacher and all what not,the current location of such notes isn’t why we are here sha. Anyways fast forward a year and you have the widely acclaimed series “Pantheon”. Need i put myself through the trouble of relating to you how many people read and stay reading till this minute? yes its the work of scholars ,the kinda shit struggling writers like myself see and wonder what sort of  “ojoro” God can sometime pull. Still you have to ask why it takes issues on the extremely bizarre to expose such intellect

…… …..(ENTERS EBUKA)

Ebuka:….When you are good at something it comes naturally to you and as such become easy to implement ,but this ‘theory‘ dosen’t explain how our genius here comes up with some of the coolest stories known to man,going through his blog (Tolu: what a stalker) you would know that this nigger is on another level. One would expect that this takes a lot of research to come up with,but my good non-chalant friend ekwe has no time for such “long things” what? with all the Draft playing,betting at street corners and regular garden visits?.So how does he do it ? He steals them? //(-_-)\\ absolutely not *sigh* ,Ekwe is not a thief ,How do you know he is not a thief?He dosen’t look like one -___-  yes,we know the thief look!  So if he is not a thief and doesn’t have the time to come up wit such awesomeness how do we explain his genius? Well there is this “super cool” group of elites who gladly take the credit blame for every “unexplainable ” success story ,don’t know who they are but google ekwe backwards (ewke),if google comes up with a weird result,then maybe we might be getting closer to unraveling this mystery …………(tolu: could ebuka be saying this small ekwe has met kanye?)

…………. TOLU:……..  Chill please,every one knows tolu is mama grammar ,err Ebuka stop yimuing pls , plus the ones whose meaning stay ambidextrous (this one is new) to me but Ekwe’s case is special,its not so much the Confucius nature of all the plenty grammar but how you look properly at them and feel them possessing your fragile soul. Abyss, phalanx,ethereal, cavern, chastens, mimicry, purveyor (has the dizziness started yet?) .

Even a word as simple as “Fallen” just takes on another life form once Ekwe touches it….. “and the realm of the fallen mythical being raged with a thunderous cacophony of blatant infectious …. ENGLISH TRANSLATION;……”Everywhere scattered” Errr how hard was that? did the first set of words  explain more to you? NO……Scare you? YES . knowing very well that you still think this a joke,i beg of you take four of Ekwe’s popular words and yell them at midnight.

EBUKA:……….. let’s introduce you to the world of ekwe’s mysterious dreams(puts on 3D glasses,y’all should do the same,VERY IMPORTANT)  .I know everyone is familiar with nightmares and the infamous wet dreams ,but ekwe’s dreams don’t fall into any of this category ,his can only be described as blockbuster dreams,Listening to ekwe tweet /blog about his dreams you cant help but think that james cameron is somewhere inside his dreams shouting action,cut,retake and other film making jagons,and i bet its accompained by some dope soundtrack , kick ass CGI and yea stunning slow motion scenes,infact this days when ekwe tweets “i had a weird dream”   PAUSE……every one expects a fantastic article……… (tolu: ramblings of a jealous future movie director,get a life Ebuka)

he is about to sleep ........................... the lucky few who made it in

TOLU:………..Ehen hen, can Mr Ekwe explain how he sources material for his work? i mean we have done our research and are very much aware he isnt a member at any book club,library and what have you. and before you launch into one yeye talk about E-books,oh please this dude is hardly on any reasonable internet plan as you would see from footage on our spy camera . I mean how do you reconcile that? what serious author goes to a cafe named ‘YAHOO NO BE THE WAY” cyber cafe? .

One would safely want to then assume the gadgets he stays amassing would serve this purpose but a quick glance at his phones and you would know this Nigga aint wasting time ,or money for that matter on his work. Like every youth Ekwe concerns himself with only pressing issues like “how to dance azonto”  “why is that girl walking like she has a boil?” “when is LYNXX gonna tell us he’s been kidding wit this music career thing?” “why is J MARTINS taking this color blocking issue so serious?” “Is Tonto Dikeh an actress or a Runs geh?” (ebuka : welldone tolu ,using ekwe as cover up just to diss people). Does this seriously seem to you like one who concerns himself with theories of  Armaggedon and all what not?

Ebuka:……. fun fact : while you might have come to the conclusion that this article is similar to a beef track , tolu is actually a registered ekwe voltron.

abeg do the outro i don tire…………

YES,sadly we may not have solid proof but i guess what we are kinda tryna say(seeing as u arent as smart as we) is Ekwe isnt working alone,the ambiguous  points we struggled with up there proves  it. Its up to you whatever you finally come up with as WE WONT BE LIABLE FOR ANY SLANDERING OF EKWE -_-, however this should come as good news to those of you who feel like OLODOS around him (why is ebuka smiling?)………….feel free to beg me(Tolu)  for frienship(Ebuka : *sigh* , somebody wants to be popular by fire by force … smh),exposing someone smart as Ekwe is no small feat. PEACE OUT BITCHES.

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15 Responses to “Ekweminatti”

  1. edgothboy April 16, 2012 at 4:20 pm #

    LOOOL!

    • tolzzzz April 17, 2012 at 11:52 am #

      hey ED, Ekwe maintains we accord you respect for your efforts on Pantheon (seeing as u called him to fume) so here is to you and ur Awesomeness. We r thankful for the likes of you in this generation.

  2. bamidelenewton April 16, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

    Hahahaha, funny I know ekwe martins and this is the dumbest yarns have ever read…… That guy has read some insane number of books. If u want the disturbing story on ekwe(real ones) contact me, he was my roomate for like a semester. He is a sad fellow and azonto? Nah

  3. Ekwe April 16, 2012 at 4:27 pm #

    Awwww. this is so nice. u need to see the smile on my face. just when I was wondering about all the dust on my blog, and how I may not sweep it for a long time to come.

    Well, no matter the subject of this Post, all the glory goes to Yahweh. All of it.

    plus I don’t know what the hell LyNXX is -_-

    oh yeah… since I haff now become a celeb, (._.) I can now proudly say nonsense like ‘my stories are drawn from my soul..’ eww…too bullshit.

    oh.. on thst Pantheon post… please, nobody shud forget @edgothboy n I wrote it o. I didn’t write it alone. taking sole credit for such kewl story is too much for me. please.

    and to my useless former classmate (ebuoe) Nd his accomplice whom I have never met ( her P-setting radar doesn’t work,I guess -_- )…er… Thank You.

    I guess (‘_’)

    • ebuoe April 16, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

      Lmao .. A whole me useless classmate .. I’ll deal wit u … Well nw dt ur secret is out .. I’ve got nofn on u … Jst kip up d gud work

    • tolzzzz April 17, 2012 at 11:56 am #

      yes Ekwe,why are you taking a bow? i dont get it,we spent days working to put you down and you are here talking about being a celeb,Ebuka you see the people you nominate abi?

      • @shettoo April 17, 2012 at 10:08 pm #

        Thumbs up to u guys on this post, absolutely lovely and only if Ekwe can be serious (unfortunately he didn’t wait to collect that gene frm God before leaving heaven). And whoever did the picture “thingy” is def on cheap powder.

        If he knew what azonto nd other social stuff is/was his life would be more interesting nd wouldn’t be wondering if dogs have other styles

    • ebuoe April 19, 2012 at 7:56 am #

      tnx 4 readn shetto, an as for the cheap powder …. we can get u high on our supply

  4. kimeclectic April 16, 2012 at 4:41 pm #

    LOL!!!!

    Ekwe’s head is already big enough sha..this post is not going to help!!!

  5. TheManya April 16, 2012 at 4:47 pm #

    O__O eboue….. THis is insane…. Insanely funny that is…. Lmfaooo…

  6. Haemlet April 16, 2012 at 8:01 pm #

    Lwkmd! You guys are scary

  7. thatifygirl April 16, 2012 at 9:12 pm #

    “and the realm of the fallen mythical being raged with a thunderous cacophony of blatant infectious …. ENGLISH TRANSLATION;……”Everywhere scattered”
    Me: *DIES*

  8. dipti April 16, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

    My EKWE!!!!!!!! 😀
    Awesomest person I know :* :*
    Love the post!

  9. thatifygirl April 16, 2012 at 10:03 pm #

    Loooool, I’m not sure what to make of all this.
    YAHOO NO BE THE WAY? I’m completely confused.
    *Scratches head*

  10. konsiquenz June 19, 2012 at 12:45 am #

    na wa o……

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