14 Feb

This Post is dedicated to Bisi,a dear friend who died years back. Lovely, vivacious, wanted so much out of life,I thought she would never die, how naive of me…….

I now make jokes about dying,this has nothing to do with my fear of death or even taking it lightly. It stems more from my Awe of it. Yes, I am a tad intrigued by the art of dying, did I just refer to it as art?

Well, I hear about how amazing new life is (I have no kids) yet I have no doubt, but its another life. That’s the thing; I don’t know what its like to be conceived,to be born,to be a miniature being, but when I die…..

Yes,”when I die…when we die” Death is a reality we all close our eyes to even though we know it will come today,tomorrow,any day. Of course its never a welcome development, except if you are a Methuselah or one of them original Vampires bored out of their minds (if myths are anything to go by). However it is one of life’s realest realities, I mean the odds that you would die is what? 1,000,000 out of 1,000,000???

Sometimes I wonder about it,I however try not to bother with theories of the After-Life as that is just too much worries for one person. But I ask myself,”would I be ready at my time”? The natural answer to that would be No, but maybe just maybe in those last moments when my life flashes before my eyes and promises of something better shows,I would want to die…

Perhaps the hardest part is the unfulfilled dreams,maybe not leaving the right legacy, of course there is also the many broken hearts I would leave behind. Yes dying is very hard but in my mind’s eyes it doesn’t seem like the worst feat known to mankind.

Then again it is pertinent to consider how one dies; I’d hate to be brutally murdered,my body desecrated, even worse would be me begging for my life before its taken by a mere mortal like myself that has chance and arms to his/her advantage.

I can’t say what would be the best way to die,or what timing would be immaculate. Hell I don’t want to die,yet I don’t want to live forever (the issue of immortality is story for another time). I just know I’d like to know; to feel it,to know soon I would stop playing this role, the music would stop, and all that would be left is Static……

NB: I hope for the life of me,I won’t cough like they do in Nollywood movies while dying, and God please the life flashing before one’s eyes in slow motion better be true, I ve picked a song for my moment 🙂



3 Feb

I have struggled with this particular thought for months now, perhaps my refusal to write on it has to do with the fact that I wanted to feel less guilt. However I thought about it yet again tonight and it hit me, I have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of.

Having gotten round various characters in the last few months via all sorts of social sites/media I have come to learn a lot about wanting/craving acceptance or thirst like some people call it.
It would seem to many that this is a loser’s path ; pursuing validation from others,wanting to be heard,seeking approval, but is it? Really?

In the 1993 Best seller Movie “Indecent Proposal” there is a scene with a quote; “…even a brick wants to be more” . Tell me,how much more humans? Everyone of us wants acceptance ( not necessarily in a conforming sense)but we all like to be thought of as right (of course in our own way). We want people to marvel at the things we do or say. Hang on to our words and look to us for some sort of guidance. How then have we come to label a certain group thirsty?

First time I came across the word,I could have sworn the lady in question was said to be in need of water/a drink. I have since over come my last carrying ,did learn about this disease and even know the patterns. It starts by seeking cool people or whoever you perceive so out, hounding n frustrating them with your below par wit. Following up on everything they do, taking hits for them or in some extreme cases,doing a one-man army using the help of your assets. *insert nude picture here*.

So it seems if you aren’t part of the in-crowd, any overly conscious effort to get yourself out there is perceived with suspicion and scorn. You’d be minding your business(which is tied to other people’s business) trying to know wazzup and one yeye person would call you thirsty

Well, in my opinion everyone of us enjoy and require a certain measure of validation, whether from people we know or total strangers. The difference however lies in our varying sense of self worth and the lengths we are willing to go for acknowledgment.
To be honest, its never a bad feeling when people say to me “tolu I would give my arm to…..” Ok ok, I like being rated and this is in fact a thirsty note to get me out there. Please ask your cool friends to read it and talk about me. 😀

What’s love got to do with it?

2 Feb

Its here again,that time of the year when all people talk about is love. Love this ,love that, ‘love in the air’ err,what love?
You know, of all holidays(its not even a holiday) this is by far the most pretentious and oh! my least favorite(no boyfriend is allowed to quote me ever).
Let’s start with the fact that love isn’t in any air . All you have is guys(poor fellows) under pressure and girls with huge expectations(most of which would come crashing)forgive my chronic pessimism.
People infect you with talks about it,then if you don’t have a partner you want to get one,and if you do you most likely wanna have ‘them’ changed.
For the guys,’she’ doesn’t give much but wants all,wait is she even aware there is no such thing as val’s day bonus? As for ladies,you automatically expect your man who can’t compliment a hair cut on a good day to become Romeo and bring roses while singing a Celine Dion classic.
No gift is good enough because someone else has a bigger one,and the bigger the gift,the more the love abi?. There is the more advanced team,who just think “its valentine he may propose or at least take it to the next level” or “finally she would give it up”.
well,maybe its just me but if its such a great holiday,why doesn’t it change us?we all go back to our old grumpy selves and that is in less than 24hrs(sorry honey i loved you more yesterday).
It is however fun to watch,those who get their happy ending or what they think to be so. Those who struggle through d day,and those who get real disappointed. Me? I will still put on red grinning from ear to ear as I await those presents that never come… G wagon anyone.

Six Inch Heels

24 Jan

Often times I hear guys marvel and even complain about women putting comfort aside,in d vain to be sexy. To that i will have to agree, comfort should come first,oh what i (or maybe we)would give to pour water over our heads whenever, throw on pants, tee shirt and go, not have to do powdering, make up and still be hot, go dancing in flats……be basic,yeah we would luv dat.

We however aren’t guys,and well dat means we were engineered differently,to embrace our silly painstaking routine,be complex and somewhat petty.All these things put together make us who we are, a scheming compassionate lot, that you cannot do without because when you really think bout it ,these little things means we have a longer attention span and would care about all the things you take for granted, make a big fuss over a situation, bring life and sanity to your careless unfeeling mess.

This isnt ‘battle of d sexes’ as i can bet some smart person is about to jump on this piece and launch into some power argument as to why dudes are better bla bla bla…well, i love that guys are guys,in fact i do envy a lot about being a dude,ah the freedom,the ability to..nah I won’t go into how awesome being a guy can be. In fact that is a myth jor,guys are just guys. (he he, hating female they will say).

In times past and even now we continue to take hits for all the seeming frivolities we care about. jewelry, clothing, hair (ah the issues Brazilian hair don cause),everything. Tagged as either fake or trying too hard,the justification of these argument by guys often being that natural beauty outshines any glitz or glamour of the modern woman. To which i would like to ask the question; what is the exact measure of natural beauty? remaining just as you were born with no alteration of any sort? or good grooming with the exception of make-up? Aha…

In all honesty it would be good to wake up looking like a Grecian goddess,and be able to prance about without a care yet catching the eyes of on-lookers. I fear I may have deviated from the issue at hand,but can one speak of the women folk without delving into a lot of things?

"yessss,I knew I would stand for hours today but i just had to wear these..."


I guess this is the deal; this is who we are,needless as some things may seem, as incomprehensible and annoyingly tasking not to mention ridiculously expensive,we would continue to pursue them. I for one love the things that make me woman and even though my heels hurt atimes,i bear it because i feel higher(not taller) with them and get a release only the vain woman mind can comprehend………by the way i dont own any six inch shoes.

The Bigger Person

24 Jan

This isn’t the note I set out to write, up till the moment I opened my blog this morning I had something very different in mind. However a rather unfortunate happening(for lack of a better term) has pushed me in this direction.

I have often been labeled as rude, well not in the “talk to people anyhow” kind of manner. Somehow I get angry and everything goes downhill from there, I can’t be stopped, can’t be reasoned with and sadly everything in me powers me up at that moment. I somehow tell myself I’m a no nonsense person and I’m just being brutally honest (self serving lies).I need not add that this means I’m often at logger heads with friends and family members alike. One would instinctively think me difficult and annoying, in my defense,I do have my moments, for the most part I can be quite courteous.

The problem however is not so much how to control myself and not be evil, even though that is quite important, I believe more pertinent is being able to say sorry. Ah those five words…. I remember a song “sorry seems to be the hardest word” by errr Elton john I think. Well, I do know the song bothers on relationship and how fixing things can be such an enormous task, however the phrase holds true in a lot of situations.

Now for many who do not suffer being tongue tied or terribly confused on how to go about not just admitting you are wrong but saying sorry, you have a rare gift. Yes that’s what it is, “be the bigger person” they would say, to which my heart agrees but my head keeps saying “what’s bigger about going back to that nitwit and saying you are wrong” worse what happens if he/she throws it in your face? And how the hell do you plan to deal with the ego they would have post your apology?

*Sigh*… When you think about it, it’s probably best to leave things as they are right? Maybe a friend’s anger would pass, maybe they would somehow wake up feeling they did you wrong and apologize instead, maybe with time you would just show up and pretend nothing happened. All these works but I guess the problem here is you do not control anything, you sit waiting, wondering, wasting time, sometimes hurting and more significantly pushing people away.

I have seen the power of apologizing; it changes a lot, saves a lot of trouble and is in fact very reassuring for the wronged party. However it’s never easy, especially not for the likes of me. Arrgggh, I would actually sign up for a programme that puts me in robot mode when I wrong people and allows me apologize in a dream state, look at that……………

I forgive you for making me yell at you.

Just before I started typing I said horrible things to a friend, in all honesty her actions were very infuriating but my words I’m sure were worse. Every moment I sit typing is another delayed in doing the right thing. It is so damn hard I won’t lie; here I am at 442 word count yet I have issues blurting out 5 simple words…..isn’t that ironic?

So here goes….sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry (this is me still delaying the actual apology). I actually did think switching into insightful writing mode would make it easier but it’s not working. She’s even made it harder by leaving the room; now I have to do the walk of shame, why lord? Whyyyy???. I will do it but I have to say; being the bigger person even though right, would never be my thing!


21 Jan

"hey, focus on how much of a ladies man i am"

This piece was inspired by a very good bad friend of mine, who took a rather special interest in the 14 pound Lhasa that stays in my house. My conversation with him, made me realize how special Bailey is, thank you Kenny.

Bailey is a male Lhasa Apso, with white and cream hair covering on its rather tiny frame. About 9months old, it was taken away from its mum who resides outside the country. The events leading to Bailey’s residing with my family entails its owner’s move from his previous apartment. Seeing as we own a Mighty ass Caucasian (Raven), we are no strangers to dog rearing. What ought to have been a two day visit by Bailey turned to weeks, then months, and as it is I fear we may face custody issues in the near future.(LoL)

Like other Lhasas Bailey is a hardy dog with a friendly assertive manner. Eats small meals, hates to bathe, and is quite healthy. One would assume its small size makes it delicate or incapacitated but it’s however very active and fast. Intelligent, free spirited and devoted are amongst its other characteristics.

For me a preferable title for this post would have been “all creatures great and small’ this is because only awesome creation could have led to the beauty that’s bailey; In its early days at the house bailey was like every other dog, a little playful, cunning sometimes and moody the others, with time it however took on very unique characteristics….

First its warmness; Bailey found and held on to its favorite family members, all in varying degrees of likeness. I am its current favorite, hence you are sure to often see us together (yes, I remember my Paris Hilton/tinker bell bashing days). The interesting thing is its routine of welcoming us home, its gets so excited almost like it’s going to bust, tail wagging, jumping and biting, up until you acknowledge by picking it up. Now we assumed this will fizzle out with time but it’s been months and I sometimes have to dodge to avoid the drama.

As a painfully stubborn dog, certain moments with bailey can be quite hellish, however I have found it responds to one’s moods, like after several failed attempts at getting you to scream your head off, it wanders off in search of something or someone more exciting. This may not be a big deal, but add the fact that it knows and respect the concept of “lights out”, yes, if bailey is giving you hell, put out the light and off it goes to its corner.

Now waking up, is yet another routine in its own, depending on where it passes the night ,it’s usually up waiting to say good morning, yeah another round of annoying hugs and face licking. This is followed by what I will refer to as jobless survey of the house, I don’t know why it does this but it would go peering through the windows, well there is a lot going on out there, a dog needs to be in the know.

Of course this post would not be complete without introducing Raven, the crazy 140 pound Caucasian who isn’t to be fucked with but who Bailey continues to antagonize for fun. Seeing the difference in their sizes it’s always fun to watch as bailey uses the fact that Raven is chained to his advantage, taunting by stepping close and scratching its face then running for cover beneath the car. The thing is this is hardly ever fun and jokes for Raven who still has a hard time coming to terms with the little brat who has stolen the heart of everyone.

Perhaps many dog owners with dogs who have mastered quite a number of house routines and continue to be outstanding won’t be that impressed, but I will forever be in awe of Bailey as it without formal training of any sort continues to learn the oddest stuff and put them to the best use. From knowledge of the door bell and its use, to its instant uneasiness and continuous running back and forth until you have been alerted and make to answer the door. There is its rather funny gait standing on its hind legs by the water dispenser when thirsty. Also, its mastery of names and voices.

Yes, Bailey isn’t without flaws (not that you were thinking that). In fact sometimes I just want to strangle the little brat. Its idea of getting jiggy is biting in very sensitive spots. It continues to compare itself with humans and therefore insists on having its meals in the living room (by moving it there from whatever original location). It snores and burps, annoying thing. Oh then it ignores you at moments when it assumes you really don’t have anything relevant to say, which usually is a right assumption.

Truly Bailey is amazing but the most awesome thing about bailey is its relationship with humans. With so much energy to fool around you would think it makes friends speedily, this is in fact not the case. It selects its friends, and believes it’s a No-No for all guys at first, big no for odd looking ladies (odd to bailey is mighty features). For we that are family it’s amazing how it stays excited spending time with us. I saw the movie “Hachiko” about a year ago, a true story about a dog who awaited the return of his owner for ten years at the train station, where they used to meet before he died of a heart attack, amazing story. Bailey may not be capable of this, but words can’t describe the feeling I get everyday once I get home and it’s waiting, wagging its tail, jumping, happy to see me.

Green Eyed Monster

15 Jan

I like to think I am a pleasant well wisher..I mean,I’m happy when something good happens to my friends,family,hell even to neighbors and colleagues.I smile,say congrats,laugh about the journey to the big event and once in a very rare while take them out to celebrate.

However,i ve had my own fair share of moments when all i really wanted to do after hearing someone’s good news was look up to the heavens and scream whyyyyyyyy?????. At such moments i grit my teeth behind my smile,bet it kinda shows in my almost teary eyes,but of course they are usually too happy to notice.

As if its not enough they go ahead to either ask for my help or advice,of course i help,not without cursing under my breath though. Grudgingly dragging through whatever task i’m assigned all the while envisioning myself strangling them every time they burst into excited giggles going “omg i can’t believe this is happening to me”.

Well, well, well,i get over my jealousy(is it even jealousy?), accept things after a short while(er..does weeks count as short?).

The thing is, this only happens when i think I’m more deserving of what someone else has got,you know… I’m smarter,nicer,kinder,kiss more ass and stuff,only for this person to just get the prize.

Question now is, how do u honestly say who deserves what? because sometimes I’m a total b**** and still I get it good,aint nobody telling me i don’t deserve it then.

Anyways i guess its healthy to sometimes feel a tiny measure of displeasure when someone else wins. Not feeling this way would mean i do not think well of myself. We all know how having a low self esteem sucks.

So feel free to share your good news with me,and if am not ecstatic, know its because I’m dying to take your place,and that my friend is the truest form of admiration.